If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
