A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
