What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
