My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
