I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
