My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
