I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
