Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
do herpes really smell.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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