I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
