Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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