We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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