Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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