So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
did i just pee glitter
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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