Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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