he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
