You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
