If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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