ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
