I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
