OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
