I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
