Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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