in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She announced her abortion via fbk
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
