Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
