just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
