I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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