Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
