i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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