he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
