I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
