why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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