I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
