just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
