its not stalking. its research.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
