She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
