Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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