If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
