this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
