i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
