Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
