I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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