Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
