Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
