Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
