At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
