yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I love having hate sex.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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