I must be too annoying 4 u.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
