i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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