this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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