none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
