I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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