So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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