I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
