I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
